I recently watched a demonstration of coaching as part of an online course that I am taking. It was a simple exercise where the coach was drawing out the desired state, the place that the person would like to be, from their coachee. There was nothing startling about the way that this work began, it was just a few simple questions from the coach, asking the coachee to visualise their desired state and the resources that they would have had to have utilised to get there. These might have been physical tools or skills, but it essence it transpired that the outcomes were more feelings and ideas that the coachee currently had. It was a great session to observe and some useful breakthroughs were made. As I reflected on what I had seen, I compared the techniques that the coach had used with the GROW model, with which I am already familiar. GROW stands for Goal: Reality; Options (or Obstacles) and Will (or Way forward). Firstly, you should establish the goal of your coachee. Where would they like to be? What is it that they would like to achieve? Secondly; Where is their starting point? What is their current reality? What is the gap between where they would like to be and where they would like to go? Thirdly; What different ways are there of getting there? What is currently blocking their path? What went well the last time they tried this? What have they learned from previous attempts? What would they do next if they already knew all the answers? Finally; What is the next step? What will you coachee commit to achieving before you see them next? How will you know that this has been done? Yes, what I had seen was something akin to this, but it had all seemed a lot simpler. Then an obvious truth came to the fore. It became clear to me how little the coach had spoken during the encounter. It was also apparent just how much silence there had been in the demonstration. The growth had happened in the silence. I sat and pondered that for a while. The growth had happened in the silence. I reflected back on how I have always operated as a coach. I realised that silence was like a vacuum for me! I always had to fill it by asking the question in a different way or guiding people towards my expected answer. I had stumbled upon a great learning point. I could be a much better coach by saying less. I could be a much better coach by simply listening and allowing my coachee the space in which to grow.
Just last week, I put this into practice. Using the GROW model, I coached a colleague on leading his team. I said very little. I left the long silences…and a marvellous thing happened. My coachee filled them with insight, insight that he hadn’t really considered that he had. Already, in that short time, perhaps twenty minutes in total, he had become more confident in the leadership abilities that he already had and I, I had taken a step forward to becoming a better coach. All thanks to the sound of silence.